Help!

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The Unhymnal, the Unofficial Songbook of the Clemson University Bands, is a living document updated whenever bright minds turn to it. In the wake of Tommy Bowden's resignation on October 13, 2008, Alumni Band member C. Mark Sublette updated the Beatles' "Help!" With apologies to Lennon/McCartney...


Help, we need somebody. Help, not just any Bowden,
Help, you know we need someone - Help.
When I was younger, so much younger than today
I recall how much fun it was to see my Tigers play.
But now our wins are gone, I'm not so satisfied
The time had come, cut loose the bum, statistics haven't lied.
Help us find a coach who knows how to win,
Preferably without recruiting sin.
Help put teeth back in the Tigers' den,
Won't you please, please help me!
Now the Tigers' rep has changed in oh so many ways.
Our fear factor seems to have vanished in the haze.
And now that Tommy's gone, Dabo Swinney's in his place,
Let us hope, that he can cope, and restore Death Valley Days!
Help our team run safely down the Hill,
With no player taking a femur-breaking spill.
We know that there's a way if there's a will,
Won't you please, please help me!
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I recall how much fun it was to see my Tigers play.
But now new days are here, the future's more assured,
The Tiger Walk is all the talk, new talent can be lured.
Help us to restore the Tigers' place
To days when we were in our opponents' face,
And finally capture that elusive conference race.
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oooh!

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